A tribute to my father-in-law, Horst Weber

Today I would like to pay tribute to one of the special men in my life named Horst Weber, husband to Heidrun ( mother-in-law), father to Karsten (my brother-in-law) and Michael (my husband) & brother to Wolfgang, Klaus & Heidimarie, grandfather to Kathrin & Aaron and father-in-law to me.

For a lot of people, he remains anonymous, he always wanted to remain one, but to us his presence, his selflessness, his humility, his generosity and his humor will be missed & truly remembered. He was a man of few words, but who needs them, when he has a big heart, when he showed his love in his own subtle ways. Based from Michael's stories, he was a loving father. Indeed he was so loving. I saw and felt that. I am priviliged to have him as my father-in-law.

I had 5 3/4 wonderful years with him and we always understood each other. We never had any conflicts. Months after getting married to Michael, Horst asked me, when will I have a baby and told me that he is not getting any younger...I simply smiled. We had plans back then, I wanted to learn the language first, get a job, travel with Michael etc.. I guess I subconsciously I wanted to be pregnant soon, because I know, Horst was right, he was not getting any younger. Come May 2008, we had Kathrin and I think I made the right decision having a child earlier as planned, because it was the best gift we ever gaved him. He was officially an Opa (German word for grandfather) to Kathrin.

Horst lost his battle to colon cancer. Life is never fair and it will never be fair. But I can't help asking, why Horst? Kathrin is still too young to loose him. Kathrin loves her Opa Horst. He was her only grandfather here, my father lives in Manila. She love to draw & paint with him. She gets to play with Opa's shaver. She loves to sit on his lap to watch soccer. ( Kathrin is just allowed to watch at home for 30 minutes per week—I know, I am a mean mom) She may eat gummy bears to her heart's content. She get to fill a bag of sweets at ''Alte Tonne'' in List ( on the island Sylt – my husband & Horst's favorite island), because Opa allows her to do things, we parents normally forbid.They love eating sweets and sausages together.

As the cancer continues to slowly take Horst away from us, Kathrin kept asking why Opa sleeps alot. We told her, Opa is sick. She would pray every night..''Dear Jesus, can you please please heal my Opa, so I can sit on his lap''. I always leave her room crying because I know the chemo cannot guarantee us anything. His health was deteriorating and we know time was running out. I kept praying, Lord give us more time, please give us more time. But seeing him every day in pain, I know I am being selfish. The two weeks before he died, I was praying for strength that I can let go. True to the saying, when you love someone, let him go. I can never love Horst, the way Michael loved him or the way I love my Papa, but I loved him the way I know how. And just like the last letter I gave him after his last operation, ''when everything fails—medicines, chemo, painkillers...I know LOVE  never fails.''

God embraced Horst last July 9, 2012. I know he is in a happy place, probably chatting with my Lolos( Tagalog word for grandfathers ), or laughing at Dolphy's* jokes *(Philippines' King of Comedy, who died July 10, 2012-Manila time) With the time difference, they probably died the same time. My happy consolation. Someone once told me, we never die alone, we will always have a companion while travelling up there. With Horst's humor, I am betting his companion was Dolphy.

Horst wherever you are, remember what I told you last July 8, before Michael, Kathrin & I went home. ''Horst, du weißt, wir haben dich immer lieb.'' ( Horst, you know that we always love you) That was the last time I saw him alive and smiling.

Machs gut Horst. Bis wir uns wiedersehen. Danke für alles. ( Farewell Horst. Until we see each other again. Thank you for everything. )

Surviving Germany

When you are married to a german/marrying a german. You have no choice but to learn their language.

Most Germans I came across would tell me, Merril you speak the german language very well. I simply answer back them with a smile, ''Thank you, that is a very nice compliment to hear.'' But honestly until now I am still learning, until now I would make some translation notes and until now I still concentrate when someone is talking,  because to tell you the truth, 

if you want to ''survive'' Germany, FIRST: You have to learn and master the german language.

The German Government have programs like Integration Course, Business German Courses and other courses. When you still have all the time in the world, I suggest to enroll in these courses. 

When I started to learn the language I religiously attended my 8:45-12:45/ 4x a week class and supplemented it an additional 3 hour self study in the afternoon. I finished the B1 Course ( I was already pregnant that time) with flying colors and then immediately enrolled myself to the B2 course, which I successfully finished 2 weeks before I gave birth. Having a baby & all didn't stop me from learning, I read most baby books in German after that. I wanted to make sure that I totally understood what the Pediatrician told me about my daughter. Having a baby helped me with the language too. After 9 months I enrolled to a C1 evening course. So don't stop learning.

If you are not a study type of person here are some suggestions:

Enrich your vocabulary.

A good friend of mine from Ukraine and her German husband built a house and so she learned a lot of words which relates to building a house. Read newspapers or magazines. Discover new words and translate it to your native language. Learn new vocabularies from topics that you find interesting.

Be creative. 

There are a lot of possibilities to learn the German language in a creative way. If you love to bake, then you can associate your learning with your baking. Check out the recipes in German. Or if you like lists, you can list down 5 to 10 new words a day with their respective meanings. If you are a post-it freak, you can stick colorful post-it papers to objects around you. 

Use your talent.

I know this guy teaches Capoiera, in the beginning he could hardly speak German, but he started giving Capoiera classes and true enough his german improved through interaction. When he doesn't have classes, he goes to a german course to learn the grammar. If you have a beautiful voice, learn some German lyrics and just sing it. 

Write it down.

When you want to tell someone something, write it down and read it over & over again aloud. I remembered borrowing a charger from my father-in-law. I wrote it down and told him over the phone. The only thing I remembered then was, he replied ''Ja''(Yes) and the rest I was like...''Huh...ok'' and at the back of my mind  I have no idea what he was a talking about. I assume it was all about the charger. :)

Participate.

Of course, at first there would be inhibitions. But do not let those inhibitions deter you to speak the language. Greet people: ''Guten Tag'', ''Guten Morgen'', ''Guten Abend''
''Dankeschön''. ''Ich spreche ein bisschen Deutsch''. Germans appreciate it when you speak their language. Do not isolate yourself.  Participate. When my daughter was 2 years old, I went to 2 playgroups, just to be able to go out. It paved way for meeting new friends.

Bottomline is you have to be interested. Despite numerous courses, it won't matter if you are not interested. I have to admit, the language is complicated. But sooner or later, you will realize that the german language is as beautiful as your mother language. 

Happy learning. Viel Spaß beim Lernen.

 ''He who does not know foreign languages does not know anything about his own.''

~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

My journey begins

Let me take you back 6 years ago, when I met my husband and decided to live in Germany.

I love hearing love stories, let me share you mine.

I met my husband through the net. Way back in November 2004 my Aunt who lives in Erkelenz ( a town in Rhineland in the western part of Germany ) uploaded my pictures in a dating website. She wanted my younger sister to come to Germany, but she got married. In short, I was her second choice. Little did I know, that she & her husband were screening the men, who clicked my profile. Michael (my husband) happened to click me have no idea that I didn't personally uploaded that profile. And so my uncle decided to exchange emails with him and after having a short of a background check, they decided to hand it down to me and start emailing him. 

I was working as a Marketing Assistant in an electrical company back then and we exchange emails a couple of times at work and being a realistic and all, and with the distance of 9,909 kilometers, he said it won't work. We wished each other to have a good life. After 8 months, he PMed me in YM and said he made a mistake by not giving it a try and said he liked me right from the start. I was already in a relationship then and I wished him a good life. December 2005 we crossed our paths again. I decided to send some newyear greetings to Michael, who was in Brazil. He emailed be back and promised to email me more when he's back in Germany. We did exchange more emails, chats, calls from then on.

Last May 2006 he went to the Philippines and he proposed to marry me. On September 2006 I arrived in Germany bringing with me the love I have for Michael, the love of my family, courage & faith that I will be alright. December 2006 we officially tied the knot and that's where my journey begins.