Today I would like to pay
tribute to one of the special men in my life named Horst Weber,
husband to Heidrun ( mother-in-law), father to Karsten (my
brother-in-law) and Michael (my husband) & brother to Wolfgang,
Klaus & Heidimarie, grandfather to Kathrin & Aaron and
father-in-law to me.
For a lot of people, he
remains anonymous, he always wanted to remain one, but to us his
presence, his selflessness, his humility, his generosity and his
humor will be missed & truly remembered. He was a man of few
words, but who needs them, when he has a big heart, when he showed his love in his own subtle
ways. Based from Michael's stories, he was a loving father. Indeed he
was so loving. I saw and felt that. I am priviliged to have him as my
father-in-law.
I had 5 3/4 wonderful
years with him and we always understood each other. We never had any
conflicts. Months after getting married to Michael, Horst asked me,
when will I have a baby and told me that he is not getting any
younger...I simply smiled. We had plans back then, I wanted to learn
the language first, get a job, travel with Michael etc.. I guess I
subconsciously I wanted to be pregnant soon, because I know, Horst was right,
he was not getting any younger. Come May 2008, we had Kathrin and I
think I made the right decision having a child earlier as planned,
because it was the best gift we ever gaved him. He was officially an
Opa (German word for grandfather) to Kathrin.
Horst lost his battle to colon cancer.
Life is never fair and it will never be fair. But I can't help
asking, why Horst? Kathrin is still too young to loose him. Kathrin loves her Opa Horst. He was her only grandfather here, my father lives in Manila. She
love to draw & paint with him. She gets to play with Opa's
shaver. She loves to sit on his lap to watch soccer. ( Kathrin is
just allowed to watch at home for 30 minutes per week—I know, I am
a mean mom) She may eat gummy bears to her heart's content. She get
to fill a bag of sweets at ''Alte Tonne'' in List ( on the island
Sylt – my husband & Horst's favorite island), because Opa
allows her to do things, we parents normally forbid.They love eating sweets and sausages together.
As the cancer continues
to slowly take Horst away from us, Kathrin kept asking why Opa sleeps
alot. We told her, Opa is sick. She would pray every night..''Dear
Jesus, can you please please heal my Opa, so I can sit on his lap''.
I always leave her room crying because I know the chemo cannot guarantee
us anything. His health was deteriorating and we know time was
running out. I kept praying, Lord give us more time, please give us
more time. But seeing him every day in pain, I know I am being
selfish. The two weeks before he died, I was praying for strength
that I can let go. True to the saying, when you love someone, let him
go. I can never love Horst, the way Michael loved him or the way I
love my Papa, but I loved him the way I know how. And just like the
last letter I gave him after his last operation, ''when everything
fails—medicines, chemo, painkillers...I know LOVE never
fails.''
God embraced Horst last
July 9, 2012. I know he is in a happy place, probably chatting with
my Lolos( Tagalog word for grandfathers ), or laughing at Dolphy's*
jokes *(Philippines' King of Comedy, who died July 10, 2012-Manila time) With the
time difference, they probably died the same time. My happy
consolation. Someone once told me, we never die alone, we will always
have a companion while travelling up there. With Horst's humor, I am
betting his companion was Dolphy.
Horst wherever you are,
remember what I told you last July 8, before Michael, Kathrin & I
went home. ''Horst, du weißt, wir haben dich immer lieb.'' ( Horst,
you know that we always love you) That was the last time I saw him
alive and smiling.
Machs gut Horst. Bis wir
uns wiedersehen. Danke für alles. ( Farewell Horst. Until we see each other again. Thank you for everything. )
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