There are no perfect timing or best condtions..only excuses

Last November 2015 an acquiantance from my husband asked him if he wants to join a sport club, which requires him to go 2x a week.

I said yes for him. He was getting cozy on the sofa and I told him: "8pm, you have enough time. GO! No excuses.'' 
After 2 hours, I asked him, "well, how was it?"
He replied: " I'd probably cannot walk tomorrow. I just realized, I haven't work on certain muscle groups for a long time. But thank you for forcing me."
Me: "You're welcome".

We'll you see as parents, we are too tired for everything! Hahaha! Most parents could relate to what I am saying here. I guess I don't need to elaborate on that.

My husband's usual expression, I am waiting for a perfect timing and the best condtions  (and me being all too exhausted on the evenings still manage to paint or draw or sew or read depending on my mood) would gently tell him... 

"Schatz, with two kids, there are no best conditions or a perfect timing, we are not buying a house here, it is just sport, either you do it now or you won't do it for the next 10 years. You have been telling me that for the last xxx years, that you need to do more sport yet the only consistent thing you do during vacations is SUPing. Deal with it, we are not in vacation right now." 

Aren't we all guilty of procrastinating! I am guilty procrastinating things too.
It makes us human. Most of our daily tasks we are confronted whether to do it or not, routines makes it sometimes unbearable. but hey, when you think about it, when you simply do one task, you accomplish one thing and it paves way for you to make or do another thing to the next.

Make a list.
Check it off, once your done.
Remember that small steps matter.
Be happy...always.

So for the last 5 months he have been consistently doing his weekly Sport-program with his group.Yehey!
No perfect timings or best conditons required. No more excuses.

Have a lovely Tuesday!

Regenbogen Chorwochenende ( Mein erstes deutsches Blog )

* VORWARNUNG!
Bitte entschuldigen Sie mich wegen meiner grammatikalischen Fehler während ich dieses Blog schreibe, denn ich habe Deutsch als meine 2. Fremdsprache, und mit meinem Alter werde ich nur 80-85% die Sprache beherrschen.

Ich gehöre zu einem Chor seit mehr oder weniger ein Jahr, der Chor heißt Regenbogenchor und ist seit 21 Jahre in Fallersleben tätig. Eine Freundin, deren Tochter in dem gleichen Musikunterricht wo meine Tochter ging, hatte mich eingeladen zu schnüppern. Der Vorteil, ich kann my Baby mitnehmen während der Probe stattfindet. Ein ''Win-Win'' Situation für mich, einerseits möchte ich nichts zum Kinderspielkreis wegen Krankheiten gehen und anderseits möchte ich auch etwas für mich unternehmen. Also habe ich nicht zu verlieren.

Die erste Probe war ich ein bisschen verunsichert, ich war weder in einem Chor gesungen noch konnte Noten lesen . Ich weiß es auch nicht mal wie Rieki sich reagiert. Was ich nur weiß, dass ich singe kann und zwar tief...hahaha! Dagmar ( sie singt schon 20 in Chor--wahnsinn! ) hat mich angesprochen, dass der Chor hatte immer wieder Kinder dabei, und Rieki ist ganz herzlich willkommen, auch, wenn sie auch mal unkooperativ wird. Erstaunlicherweise jedes Mal, wenn wir Proben haben, benimmt sie sich super fast wie ein Heiliger, ganz das Gegenteil Zuhause. Dann ist es schon ein gutes Zeichen, dass sie sich wohl fühlt.

Das Lied, das im Herzen der Eltern rührt, singt auf der Lippen der Kinder. 

November letztes Jahr wurde uns in der Pause wieder und endgültig gefragt, um die Vorbereitung der Chorauszeit ausplanen zu können, wer kommt mit nach Hohenerxleben? ( Ich bin schon mittlerweile beim 1-3 Auftritte mit dem Chor gewesen, fühlt mich sicher mit den Liedern ) Ohne zu zögern, hob ich mein Hand und sagte...ich bin dabei! Auch wenn mein Mann, noch keine Ahnung hat, was ich vorhatte. Also ich habe mich entschieden den Chor durch diese Chance in diese erste Februar Woche besser kennenzulernen. Ich bin sehr froh und glücklich darüber, dass ich es getan habe. Denn ich habe 15 wunderbare, intelligent, talentierte und hoch ausgebildete Frauen inklusiv ein Teil ihrer Liebegeschichte kennengelernt. 

Dank an Dagmar für ihre organisatorische Leistung, von Bett, Fahrgemeinschaft, Kosten Aufteilung zu Emailverteilung etc. Ein natur Talent für Organization! Dank an Jutta, sie hatte eine tolle Arbeit--musikalisch und finanziell ( wegen ihr haben wir Zuschuss gehabt ), an Dorit, die mich, Nicole, Claudia and Nina sicher nach Hause hingebracht hat,  an Johannes, dessen unendlose Geduld  und musikalisches Talent begleitet uns immer bei der Probe und natürlich die Mädels, die ich in mein Herz geschlossen habe. Danke für das wunderschöne Wochenende.

1.Tag ( 5. Februar, Freitag )

Ziemlich gut gelaunt war ich am diesem Tag, obwohl meine 2. Klässlerin  ( die zurzeit eine Gips hat) mich immer wieder angemeckert hatte, weil sie nicht dabei sein durfte. Der Wäschekorb ist leer, die Wäsche schon gebügelt, den Flur gewischt und saubergemacht, die Schränke und Räume der Kinder aufgeräumt. Alles ist schon vorbereitet und organiziert. Zum Schluss sage ich meine Liebsten Trio --Tschüss, bis Sonntag und 'I love you'.

Dorit, eine sehr liebevolle, lustige Sängerin, die meine schüchterne Kathrin mag, hatte mich abgeholt und fuhren wir zu dritt los (Nicole war bereits im Auto). Kennst du dieses Gefühl, wenn deine Eltern zum ersten Mal dir sagt, ja du darfst das Auto fahren, oder du darfst zum Ausflug oder zur Übernachtung mit deinen Freundinnen, so was habe ich mich gefühlt, als wir nach Hohenerxleben gefahren sind. 

Ich war total glücklich, weil es mich daran erinnert, wie ich mit meine engste Highschool Freundinnen zu jeder Übernachtung/Party/Afterparty gewesen bin. Ich vermisse nicht das Single-Leben, ich vermisse nur die engste Freundinnen, die mich absolut kennen, besonders, wenn ich verletzlich oder in meiner verletzlichen Phase bin. 

Nachdem wir ankamen und in unseren Räume besiedelten, gingen wir alle zum Speisesaal und aßen Abendbrot. Das selbst gebackenes Brot war sehr lecker und der Laktosefrei Käse war gut!( Ja ich bin Laktoseintolerant) Dank an Herrn Alberter (der Chefkoch) und sein Team!

Das Highlight des Abends war die Kennenlernenrunde. Es war einfach herrlich, ein Teil über eine Person zu wissen, von Beruf zu ihre Familie und Liebesgeschichte bis zu dem Buch, was sie momentan lesen. Da wir kaum Zeit donnerstags, über eine Frau tiefer kennenlernen konnten, es war eine perfekte Möglichkeit.

Ich liebe Geschichten, ich hore gerne zu. Mein persönliches Highlight war Nina, die mich zu dem Chor eingeladen hat, ist eine Pastorin!!! Ihre Geschichte, wie sie ihren Mann kennengelernt hat, war so romantisch! Und Barbara, wie sie ihre Freizeit und Leidenschaft für Bücher verbindet sogar mit Ehrenamtliche Arbeit--wow! Wie alle Geschichte und Liebesgeschichte, es lohnt sich immer zu zuhören. Mädels, bitte verzeiht mir, ich kann nicht alles hier schreiben, dann muss ich schon wohl ein Roman zäubern, wenn ich alle Erzählungen schreiben würde. 

Don't we all love Love Stories. 

2. Tag ( 6. Februar, Samtag )

Nach dem Frühstück wollten wir keine Zeit verlieren, Johannes mit Claudia sind angekommen und das bedeutet die Probe geht gleich los. Singen...singen...singen....und nochmal SINGEN. Ich habe noch nie in meinem  Leben so lange gesungen wie in diesem Tag, dass ich nach der Probe nach Ingwertee, Ingwersuppe &  getrocknete Ingwerbonbons sehne! (alles was mit Ingwer zu tun haben) Das Mittagsessen und die Kaffeeversorgung waren wieder top so wie das Abendbrot. Ich könnte mich an diesen Service gewöhnen. 

Bevor wir unsere Frauenerzählung weitergemacht haben, hatte Solveig, eine wundervolle Physiotherapeutin & Wellnessexpertin, hatte mich und ein Paar Mädels gezeigt, wie Klangmassage und Massagentechniken unseres stressiges Leben helfen können. Wir haben uns gegenseitig massiert und die Klangschalen probiert und es war herrlich. Berühung zu bekommen und zu geben sind beide wohltuend und heilsam. Ich persönlich mag sie und zwar gerne.

Da wir am diesen Tag Verstärkung bekommen (3 Mädels sind angekommen), habe ich mich sehr auf ihre Geschichten gefreut, voller Begeisterung habe ich festgestellt, dass ich Frauen, mit den ich singe, waren alle intelligent, talentiert, hochausgebildet, witzig und liebevoll. Wow!  Und ich gehöre dazu! ( grinz ) Und fast alle haben sich entscheiden Hausfrau zu sein. ( Das kommt in das nächste Blog)

3. Tag (7. Februar, Sonntag )

Es war schon Mitternacht, als wir alle fertig mit den Geschichten sind. Trotzdem habe ich den nächsten Tag ausgeschlafen ( Dank an Klangmassage) und sogar geträumt. Claudia, die ich mich in der gestrigen Kaffeepause gefragt hat, in welche Sprache träume ich, habe ich sofort angesprochen, dass ich in Tagalog ( meine Muttersprache) träume! Witzig! Vielleicht liegt es daran, dass ich mit meinem Neffe gesprochen habe, also Tagalog ist selbstverständlich.

Wir sangen noch ein Paar Lieder mit der Begleitung von Jutta, eine multi-talentierte Sängerin, und danach hatte Frau Kruse die Schlossführung gemacht. Die historische Entwicklung des Schlosses war für mich hochinteressant, weil es kein Schloss auf dem Philippinen gibt. Es ist sehr faszienierend zu hören, wie die Renovierungsarbeit nach und nach gemacht wurde. Durch Spende und Stiftung wird das Schloss teilweise renoviert und gebaut. Der Arbeitsaufwand, den ein Schloss benötigt, habe ich festgestellt,ist überwältigend und wie Herr Funke, Frau Kruse, Herr Alberter und das gesamte Team das Schloss Hohenerxleben führen kann ich nur mit zwei Wörter beschreiben--Liebe und Leidenschaft. 

Nach dem Schlossführung kehrten wir wiederzurück ins Schloss und ein köstliches Mittagsessen wartete auf us. Ich nahm die Gelegenheit, mich bei Herr Alberter zu bedanken, für das wohlschmeckendes und rücksichtvolles Essen. Es was lecker und gleichzeitig laktosefrei für mich, für Katharina und Nina!

Leider hat alles ein Ende. Aber ein kleiner Trost. Neue Freundschaften und Bindung haben begonnen. Durch die Erzählung ein Teil ihres Lebens, habe wir alle ein Stück von dieser wunderschöne Frau miterlebt und ganz sicher auch aufbewahren. Das war ein unvergessliches Wochenende! Wir haben Spaß und neue Erinnerungen nach Hause mitgenommen und es hat uns alle seelisch bereichert! Herzlichen Dank Mädels. Also die nächste Chorauszeit, werde ich sicherlich dabei sein!



**Ich muss zugeben, dass diese Auszeit mit dem Chor hat mir seelisch gut getan und ich ermütige andere Muttis es zu machen. Nach der Geburt meine 2. Tochter habe ich kaum Zeit für mich selbst. Das ist mein estes Mal wieder allein zu verreisen nach der Geburt. Sogar beim Duschen ist die Kleine meistens dabei. Wie viele ausländische Frauen, die wenig Unterstützung haben, brauchen wir ab und zu auszuatmen. Ich habe das Glück, das Erlebnis mit liebevollen Frauen gemacht zu haben.  Ich habe mich so viel amüsiert und viel gelacht! 

Eine Auszeit für eine Frau ( für ein Mensch) ist sehr wichtig, dann kann sie wieder Kraft tanken. Dieser Austausch von Erfahrungen anderer Frauen, von schönen und sogar traurigen Geschichten, die Freude von Singen oder andere Leidenschaft--Bücher, Nähen usw.., macht eine Frau stärker aber gleichwohl weiser und liebevoller. Emotionen sind wie ein Brennstoffe für eine Frau. Es halt uns alle in Trab. Also macht deine eigene Auszeit--Gesichtbehandlungen, Massage, Reise, Reiten, Lesen, Malen, Nähen usw.die Möglichkeiten sind endlos. Mach es. Einfach machen oder mitmachen. Ich widme dieses Blog hier für meine Mutter Nancy, die mich unendlich und bedingunglos liebt, eine starke Frau, die ihr ganzes Leben gearbeitet hat, trotzdem hatte immer Auszeit für sich, und für meinen Mann Michael, der mich in alle verrückte neue Hobbys und Ideen unterstüzt und für meine beiden Töchter, die mich immer zum Wahnsinn treiben aber auch zu einer besser Mutter treiben. 381.

* Nochmal sorry Mädels, wenn ich grammatikalishe Fehler habe. Ich möchte meinen Mann nicht stören, also ich poste dies jetzt ohne das zu prüfen von dem Jurist Zuhause.
 
 

 

01 January 2016... A slippery start

I intended to write on a regular basis this 2016, but fate has its way of redirecting/delaying some of our plans. Right after new year, which is the first day of 2016, my 7 year old super sporty daughter, broke her shinbone.

We were supposed to sleep earlier than usual, we were done brushing our teeth and I am just waiting for my husband, Kathrin, as usual, jumping around, that time jumped from the sofa, made an aerial twist and landed badly, that we all heard a snap.

My initial reaction was putting both of my hands over my mouth and was in total shock. My husband who had his first aid seminar a few months back, responded quickly, Kathrin started to panic and wanted motherly comfort and care kept calling my name. After hearing her, I snapped out of my shock, and rushed to her side.

As a mom, you will always know, when there is something wrong. So when Kathrin's acted strangely and and for some reasons, wanted to suddenly sleep and kept apologizing, you know, there is something really wrong. I went to get the ice packs, put them on her leg and told my husband to call for an ambulance immediately. Truly being a mom changed me completly.  I snapped out of my shock zone, (I react so slow in most situations), checked my daughter, looked for signals and just function.

The paramedics came, who are very calm and funny, made it easier for Kathrin to calm down. They put some bandages on a penguin stuff toy and asked Kathrin to give it a name, to which she responded...Pee-pee for penguin. They stay with her until Michael and K are settled inside the ER. I patiently waited her at home, since we have Rieki.

Taken inside the ER
01.01.2016

Kathrin was released the next day and the recovery begins. The 1st 3 weeks was exhausting, we all have to be careful placing her leg in a position she wanted. More challenging was telling Rieki not to sit on her Ate's lap (*Ate -- tagalog for sister with respect ). That was not easy!

K's classroom is located on the 1st floor, and toilet is on the basement. I have to check on Kathrin during breaktimes, to ask, if she needs to go to the toilet. And in order for me to be able to do that, I have to perfectly time everything, so I can leave my younger daughter, who takes short naps, to check on Kathrin. Although the kids in school are super helpful, we decided to take no risk, not letting other kids bring/accompany her down the basement in case she needs to pee.

She is allowed to choose one classmate to stay with her during breaktimes, learning her lesson this time, she opted to stay in her classroom, to avoid futher accidents. I guess, she is secretly enjoying having a friend all by herself. 

It is the same thing with picking her up after school, our house is just a 3-minute walk to her school, nevertheless I have to take the wheelchair, wait before their classroom door, carry her bag and assist her going down the stairs and push her home. Of course, you can imagine.

I gained empathy, better yet  great respect to parents who have physically-impaired children. It is no joke, the exhaustion, the adjustment, the time-management with 2 kids.

Despite the exhaustion,  I am grateful for the gift of life--(yes it is just the shinbone, not her life threatening, or someone being paralyzed), astounished to see the kids at school, being to so helpful, opening doors for us, paving way to give us more space while walking aling the corridors,  asking Kathrin--what happened, how is she doing, encouraging words, self made cards or note cards etc.  I am definitely a richer person after this experience. (Thanks Kuya Melvin and Em-em for the emotional boost)

Tomorrow is her big day. The cast would be removed and we are keeping out fingers crossed, that after her reha-therapy, we can finally leave this chapter behind us.

2015....2016 Better late than never...

This is so late but here it is anyways....

Hello!!! It has been a busy 2015 for me and for those who have been patiently been waiting or lost patience already... I am glad to say I am back writing. I have so my reasons why I made a pause writing but let me share you the highlights of the past year.

I made resolutions and did a quite few...

1. I only bought things that I needed throughout the year and it was so liberating. The experience made me realized that less is more and we don't need too much material things to make us happy. It was tough at first but in the long run, I got used to it. It is nothing to do being so frugal but setting priorities and one of my main reasons why is to decrease my buying consumption on...

Books

Since I love to read and love the resolution I made...I started to borrow books from the library, it saves me alot of money and SPACE too. The city library in my town is a heaven for me and my kids, we borrow now on a regular basis books, board games, Blu-ray films and dvds.

Online Shopping
Whenever I have the urge to buy something online, I put in first in a wish list and just leave it there, after a few times, checking it and weighing if the those things are my 'wants' vs. my 'needs'...I end up buying just the things that I need and not the impulse stuff. The less stuff the better. It totally worked out for me.

Sewing Materials
I am a fabric hoarder! I bought fabrics to hoard, with the challenge I placed upon myself, I needed to be consistent. So avoided my favorite fabric online shop and use the fabrics I still have. I sewed and upcycled scraps and even gave it as gifts. I am so proud of myself that I was able to minimize my costs by using my available fabrics and the best part I started sewing fabrics that I love and made me happy and other people too.

I stopped collecting stuff
This is something personal but it is  the same way as liberating as other resolutions. I used to collect momiji dolls, these tiny dolls could make one addictive. Oh I am so guilty! But when my uncle died last 2014, I realized that when we leave people behind, the memories and the love remain. Simple as that. So instead of collecting more, I stopped buying,  sold some of them and concentrated on collecting memories. Which saves me money and makes me more than a happy person.

Make and collect memories, from loved ones, from friends, from people. Relationsips make us richer not material stuff.

2. I started another new hobby. Aside from sewing, I started to paint mid- 2015 and I am enjoying every single time I paint or draw. This made me realized that we are never too old to try something new.  Being a perfectionist, I have been very afraid to paint, simply because, I wanted it to be perfect....hello Merril!! Painting or drawing takes a lot of practice and patience unless you are a prodigy! And so I started doing it. A hawaiian artist, Rebecca Snow would give me tips on how to do it. She is such an angel! You can also visit her blogspot, here is her link. * I love her artworks, I have a few of her originals and prints. To make my story short, I love every single time I paint, it is like jogging, the releases the stress away and keeps your mind free and flowing.

Lesson of the story...Fear is just a mindset. Fear cripples us. So why fear...life is too short to be afraid.

3. I finally made time to learn few basic Spanish phrases, so whenever I order in a restaurant or buy something, I can speak Spanish and try to speak and chat with the locals. We go on vacation twice a year on a spanish island and so I was so happy speaking in Spanish to a lady telling her to cut off the head of the fish and please clean it too. Hahaha! Dos Lubinas sin Cabeza y entera por favor! Gracias!

Again we are never too old to learn and feed our minds with new stuff.

4. I took time to make gifts to friends, acquaintances. Like I wrote, I only bought things I needed. When some of my friends' birthday is coming up, I would take and make time to sew or paint something personal as a gift. I now go by the motto, if I have a gift that can make people happy by giving hand-made or hand-painted, then I should do it. I used scrap textiles and made Christmas ornaments, so my daughter can give it to her classmates. I painted personal gifts for birthdays, for a birth of a child, sewed bags as a birthday gift. Don't you just love it, when you receive a personal gift that was made personally and was not commercially bought?

The most beautiful gift we can give to our friends is our time.  Make time to make things more personal.

5. I finally  enrolled to a course again, to let me mind stay on track and keep focused on the things I started. Being a mom to a 7 year old and a 1 year daughters , I am constantly  interrupted,  ( I am being interrupted right now for the 4th time) although I learned the art of being flexible, enrolling myself in a course makes me just focus on the lessons to be read, to written and to be submitted.

Life is an unending learning process. Keep learning.

6. I started this year to personally call friends to say hello and ask how  they were. With all the internet platforms we have, a viber or  WhatsApp message makes all easier but also unpersonal. I made sure that this year, I would call a friend, a sister, an aunt...just to say hello. Writing and sending snail mails are what I have been doing too. But I still have a list of people I need to write or call often.

Relationships keep us all grounded. Invest on it wisely.

7. I joined a Choir and gave me an opportunity to meet  and gain a few new acquaintances. I have always love to sing but hates to sing alone, so being in a choir totally works out for me.  The choir practices allows me to bring my 1 year old, who behaves well in front of people and such a mischief at home so I am loving it. I always look forward to sings every Thursdays since Rieki transforms into an angel and on special occasions we sing before audiences. My 7 year old daughter is my biggest fan, who is also sings in a school choir.

He who sings well praise twice -- St. Augustine

8. Learn an instrument. Never too old to learn new things. I started to play ......tada....the Ukelele.... I tried to play a guitar when I was in highschool, but since my hands are quite small and my fingers are...oh well...short....I gave up trying.... Hihihi.😊 Ukelele is actually fun, and perfect for my quite short fingers, most of all it makes me happy that I just simply did it. My father who can play the guitar and sing too, with my mom's ever loving encouragement inspired me to try playing an instrument. Tada...hoping to play more songs this year.

Music always warms the heart.

9.  I faced my fear of skating on ice. Either I was always looking for excuses not to do this to myself or I am so scared to fall on my bum. Kathrin, my daughter, who loves to skate on ice, compelled me to do it, showing her that I will make time and the effort, so we both can have fun on ice. So I asked my husband to buy me a pair of ice skates and we hit the ice the next day. I just for a start, I did great.

Again, fear is just a mindset.

10.  Lastly despite loss, bitterness, exhaustion and negativity, I continue to and will continue to stay positive and happy. Happiness not coming from material things is something people cannot take away from me. Thanking God, my husband, my daugters, my family, relatives and friend for good 2015.

So there...Indeed 2015 was a blast for me. Looking forward to a wonderful 2016. I am grateful.

Hurra das Baby ist da Part 2

BIRTH PREPARATIONS AND OTHER STUFF

And so we were so happy when I got pregnant and made the necessary changes at home. I also prepared myself physically and mentally. My pain tolerance is so low, that the labor pains are freaking me out. I called my midwife 4 months before my due date, so I would have a head start. I did the pre-natal course way back, but this time my midwife told me, enjoy your pregancy, and don't let yourself get stressed from schedules. She lend me a book about Hypnobirthing and it changed my perspective on pregnancy and how I will handle my second pregnancy.

I am a rebel when it comes to medicines and hospital routines, and German hospitals are routine-wise very efficient. They will offer you a wide range of pain killers. This time I decided against it. No pain killers, no epiduralanaesthesia etc.. 

The woman's body (when healthy) is beautiful made to endure and overcome labor pains and childbirth itself. 

And so I was hypnotizing myself that I can endure that kind of pain. Of course the breathing techniques helped me too and some exercises.  I told Michael that I don't want an Epiduralanaesthesia and especially ocytocic. That he need to watch out that my wishes would be done, even when I am in such pain  or in delirium that I would suddenly demand for the epidural. When we went to the delivery/labor room, I told the facilitating midwife, that I wanted a natural birth,possibly a water birth,  which surprised her, because it is practically uncommon not to ask for an epidural. She asked me, where did I get this idea. I insisted that this time I will do this naturally ( the pain was still tolerable that time) and the woman body can endure such pain. She respected my decision. I was still psyching myself up that I decide what is good for my body and that I am healthy and my baby too. So we are going to surpass the pain.

When the crowning started, I was already in delirium, the pain was so intense that I was in doubt if I can do it. Maybe I should get the Epidural. But my husband was supporting and encouraging me yet still firm up to the very end (love him for that again), he even told me, you can do this. Your labor pains were not like the pain when we you Kathrin. And with that, in a matter of a few hours we had Henrie without the epidural and the doctor didn't need to stitch me up. ( I am so lucky this time.)

The nurses, doctors and I were all happy that I gave birth without any complications ( it just took us 3 1/2 hours ), I had my milk already, Henrie drinks like a champ, had my Stuhlgang the next day and I am fit in no time. One nurse told me when I was thanking them and was saying goodbye , "Frau Weber, you don't need to thank us, we did not do anything for you, you and your baby were so fit and healthy, you did almost everything yourself and for the baby." 

Indeed it is a mindset. When one mentally thinks, everything will turn out as it is, then it will. Just like my experience on my 2nd childbirth. I am thankful, that everything until now, still turns out wonderfully and positively. 

Hmmm.....next mindset would definitely be bigger..winks.

Hurra, unser Baby ist da (Part 1)

14 August 2014

14:46

3370g

53cm

Henrieke Nani Weber, our beautiful baby girl was out in a matter of 3 1/2 hours.

Prounounced as Hen-ri-ka...nicknamed as Henrie or Rieki.

3 days to go and we will survive the first month with flying colors. Flying colors I say, because the first 2 weeks, Kathrin and I managed to get into a new schedule with her baby sister while Papa worked. (Adrenaline at its finest ). Of course, Papa did great with cleaning the house and is responsible for buying groceries. I love my husband for that. 

Henrie is sleeping right now at Kathrin's room, while Kathrin listens to her Audio book and sitting beside Henrie I am writing this blog. A luxury of time and time management, I must say. I am no wonder woman, believe me, I have been trying the whole day to sew something for Kathrin, no chance at all and I have been wanting to write, well I need to hurry up.

The third week was quite challenging, because Kathrin is at school for a 1st grader school dry-run as preparation for her big school day on the 15th of September and there are tons of things to do. Although Henrie sleeps quite a lot, which helps me, I have to finish the chores, namely the laundry, the dishes, sterilize the bottles, tidy of the mess, plus pump extra milk for her, eat breakfast, or brunch or lunch in between and take a shower when it permits, by 14H, pick up Kathrin and in between these chores, I have to change Henrie's diapers, feed her, put her to sleep, sing a lullaby and somehow loose my sanity in between and forget the sense of time, my social life is with my kids and I now asking myself, is this worth giving up the freedom that I had with Kathrin? 

YES! Being a mom 2nd time around is a wonderful thing! (Yawn) 

When my husband and I decided to have a second baby, I did asked myself more than a hundred times, if I am ready to give up my life again and start the whole program all over again--meaning sleepless nights, eyebags, 6-8 hours of sleep ( I sleep an average of 10-11 hours ), get peed, get pooped, get pucked, limit our vacations ( which means go local again) and all other perks of being a parent second time around?

Yes I was willing to do it again. I was ready for it. 

Let's backtrack things first, I remember telling Michael, when we had Kathrin, I firmly told him, one is enough. Because I or we have to do everything here all by myself/ourselves, there are no helpers, no relatives to help me/us. Somehow we survived and things went smoothly most especially when Kathrin entered Kindergarten. Vacations were lovely. What made me decide to have another child again was Kathrin. 

First, so she won't be alone. 

Second, we wanted her to experience having a sister or a brother, since Michael and I have siblings. I have 5 and Michael has 1. 

Third, we wanted her to have someone she can confide her personal problems without judging her. Fourth, Kathrin's character suits well for a big sister. 

And lastly, she fervently prayed for it for 2 years. 

To tell you honestly, I wanted to be egoistic and enjoy that kind of freedom.  I was hesitant about the idea of having a second child ( please don't get me wrong, if you are a mom of one, who decides to stick to one child, I don't blame you at all. I know and I am not saying you are egostic), but Kathrin asked me when she was four years old, why can't she have a sibling just like her friends in Kindergarten, I told her, are her bestfriends not enough. 

Her answer made me speechless and I will never forget her answer. "Mama, what if you and Papa die, then I will be alone, Oma ( grandmother ) is old. I don't want to be alone." I cannot argue anymore. Such wisdom from a 4-year old is non-debattable. A slap on my face. Colder than the ice bucket challenge. True enough now that Henrie is out, I fell in love with her. My joy as a mother cannot be described with words. Pure Emotions.  My love multiplies for my daughters. There are lots of chores to do, less sleep but we are so happy. Kathrin could never be happier. Simply overflowing happiness.♡♥♡

I am happy and so glad that I have chosen Henrie/Rieki over freedom. I am grateful, that despite the fact that I love to sleep and couldn't get an eight-hour straight sleep, I decided for her. My daughters complete me, Henrie completed me once again. 

*For errors and incoherence pardon me...I am 3-4 hours short of my 11 hour daily sleep. 

This was written 2 days ago. I was able to upload it just now and made some corrections.

Happy memories with my Uncle Orlie

This blog had been the hardest blog to write. Comforting someone who lost a loved one had never been my ministry. I have to stop writing whenever it is too much for me. In a span of 5 years, I lost 3 great men in my life.
My grandfather, my father-in-law and recently my Uncle Orlie.
For my grandfather (age 80) and my father-in-law (age 71), who both lost the battle to cancer, death came as a release. I was prepared and I was able to say goodbye. Honestly, my acceptance was easier.

For my Uncle Orlie it was so sudden. Massive Heart Attack.  He was just 44. His kids are still so young and so was he.

This last week of May had not been easy for me. May 28, 2014, I received a message from my Aunt, that my mom telling her that my Uncle Orlie is gone. After that my sister called me too, minutes after I read the message, to inform me, she was crying and I was trying not to break down. I am on my 29th week and such dreadful news from Manila is not so good for my pregnancy. The news didn't sink in until I was praying alone.

I stayed calm while praying, praying repetitiously asking for a miracle and claiming God His promises, particulary His promise of long life. After praying for about an hour, the truth that I will never see my uncle physically hit me like a sharp knife and then I broke down. I was apologizing again and again to my baby, that I was crying so hard, it is because I love my Uncle Orlie. Kathrin comforted me by taking out pictures from Manila, I simply thanked her and embraced her tightly and continue to cry.

During the week, when the family and I were mourning, I purposely didn't call anyone from home except my brother, who was with my mom and my cousin, when they took my uncle to the hospital and my father just to check on my mom, I cannot find the courage to ask my mom, because I know we are not okay and will both burst into tears.

We all love him. He was simply a darling to everyone. He never fathered us, he was doing his job as an uncle at its best. He loves his family. He was a great father, an obedient son, a reliable brother, a loving husband, an awesome uncle, a trustworthy friend, an unbelievable colleague, a good man.

He gave the best advices. He was sweet, funny and ever helpful to everyone. He offered everyone his time, energy, his wonderful smile, he offered himself and made his lasting beautiful impression to anyone he met. 

Uncle Orlie with his wife Auntie Tina

With his siblings, Christmas 2013

With his family

                          

Always smiling

Always happy

With his mom, Mama Dioning and his brothers

When I was 9 years old, we went to Baguio, northern part of the Philippines, my uncle was already a working student by that time in a famous fast food chain in the Philippines, he showed us how to make some home-made fries and gravy. He involved us, even we were young. Noone was too young or too old for him. He always find and make time.

In the apartment in Baguio, where we stayed, my brother saw 3 white pigeons, he wanted it so badly, that my uncle got the three pigeons for him ( I'm sure he didn't buy it for my brother ), yet we went home with 3 white pigeons as house pet from that time on, he remained my brother's hero. He was our hero.

Taken in 1990, Baguio City

He would tell me stories, that my mom helped him, when he was younger, in school and he did excel too. He was intelligent and he was not bragging. While he was working at Jollibee-Alimall Branch, and when we would passby by the foodcourt, we would check if he is there working, and if he happens to be there, we would ask for hamburgers, which he gladly gives me and my sibling or a friend who was with me. I grew up happy because he was part of it, I grew knowing I am important. He made everybody important. He is ever interested in you not in himself. Like what I wrote, he made time for everyone. He made you important.

Here are some memories that I had with him:

• When I was in college, he would hand me some money, so I can buy my financial accounting books.
• He would tell me, when I am pissed off with my sister, to think of him, whenever I would have conflict with her and then I would just laugh, because we both know, I cannot be or never be angry at him.
• I conspired him and my other uncles to scare off a suitor, and my Uncle Orlie ended up breaking the ice, by giving him a bottle of beer.
• He would tip my friend's car plate number in his Lottery ticket and would whisper in my ears, ''do you think we have the chance to win the jackpot?''
• He took Michael (my husband) to  his in-laws family swimming party and promised me that we will take care of him. Michael has tonsilitis that time while I'm off to work.
• He gave me a fancy pendant on my 30th birthday in behalf of his family.
• He wrote me a comprehesive letter when I asked him about a Mother-Baby Cafe and I was so overwhelmed with his experience in the food and restaurant branch and so proud that I have such an uncle.

Ony brother's graduation.

Aunties' visit in 2006

On my birthday celebration, August 2010
   

2010 with my Calomot Uncles

 

When my Aunties would visit Manila

Confronted with his sudden death, my first question: Why him? Deep inside I knew how to answer this question, when I am not mourning, when this death was someelse's death. Yes, I am finding it hard to accept. While writing this blog I can't help but cry. So much memories, so much happiness, so much fun and learning, everytime when we are with him. 

I had been praying for acceptance right from the start. I told a good friend, when God would tell me why, I would shut up. If God would tell me, the reason why is...blah..blah...then I would stop and accept it.

God can feel my pain and He promised me the joy after mourning. My pain is nothing compared to my Auntie Tina, his wife, who lost him, as a partner, as a bestfriend, as a loving companion  and to my cousins, who lost their father, but still I am in pain and it is unbearable. 

Why him? The same question over and over again for the last 3 weeks, had been in my head. Somehow these situations have comforted me these past few days.

My mom wrote in her Timeline: 

''To my dearest Brother Orlie, words are enough to describe how painful it is to see you lying in that hospital bed , lifeless ....I know life will never be the same anymore.....the Why's will never be answered but by faith tells us to move on and continue trusting God of His Divine Will to our lives.....Rest in Peace Orlie...we will miss you ; we are grateful to the Lord for the 44 years you have spent with us..... Till we meet again!!''

My Auntie Estrella ( Sister of my Father) wrote me too: 

''Me...masakit tlaga.. ngaun kasama n syang ggabay syo...s lhat s kbilang buhay nkay LORD n sya. Tpos n ang mission nya d2 s mundo...

e-accept mo n pra gumaan ang feeling mo...mganda nman ang kanyang ppuntahan kay LORD...dahil alam nting npakabait nyang tao...'' 

(*Me, it really hurts, he belongs to the people who are with God, who will guide you, his mission on earth has been accomplished, accept it, so you'll feel better, the place that he went to with the Lord is beautiful, because he was a good man)

I can't say I am not resilient enough but I have to be honest that I am not yet there. I am still praying for acceptance, so I can finally let go and let God do His healing. 

I must admit that, my three consolations right now are:

1. That I was able to talked to him last year, when our houses in Manila were burned down and before we ended the call, I told him, I miss him and I love him.
2. That  because he is a good man he doesn't deserve to suffer and to get ill and 
3. that he accomplished his mission with flying colors, that God welcomed and embraced him saying, ''Well done my son, well done''

The promise of eternal life, seeing him again sooner or later, and that Heaven is a place beyond the word beautiful where no worries and suffering are present, have been lingering in my prayer time lately as the answer to my question as to why him. 

But for now I am still  brokenhearted and I am still refusing to give up those broken pieces and all I know that my connection between heaven and my Uncle are the memories we shared together. 

I love you Uncle Orlie. Sorry, but I find it hard to accept that you left us too soon. I will cherish the happy times. You will never be forgotten. I miss you so badly that it hurts.