Integration through friendship.

"Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather is one of those things that give value to survival." - C. S. Lewis

 One can easily integrate in Germany if you have a child. From pre-natal courses, to baby swimming courses, to toddler groups, to playgroups, parent courses, pedia visits and to kindergarten, you will definitely learn new people, conquer your fear in speaking the language and the fact that you share the same experience is a good way of having support groups around. These possibilities will definitely help you get used to living here in Germany. Before I reached this level of confidence here in Germany, I had challenging moments too just like a lot of foreign women, struggling to keep up with the language, with the way of living, with the culture and with everything that comes from living in a foreign land.

I am quite of a perfectionist, when I was learning the german language, I wanted to master the language, I religiously went to language courses, did my homework, spent additional 3 hours learning vocabularies,  would close my eyes while hearing traffic announcements on the radio and temporarily set aside my english. I needed to unlearn in order for me to learn new things. WOW!!! I was doing well in class. My teachers would commend my efforts. There was one thing I did, that hampered everything. I isolated myself.

For those you knew me before I came here, I was never a loner. My gregariousness and confidence exuded overwhelmingly. But I wanted perfection in the language so I confined myself in a classroom setting, I was good with the theories but I flunked practically. My husband encouraged me to order coffee, buy bread, to pay for some stuff, say thank you to cashier, to no avail, at the back of my mind, before I do the talking, I need to master the language. I was afraid to speak out, because I wanted to speak without errors. ''Less talk, less mistakes''. In short, I chickened out! I was lonely.

In January 2010 I told my husband that I was getting unhappy and we needed to do something about it, I don't want to be a bitter wife and a frustrated mom. I was alarmed because I know deep in my heart, I am not liking the person I am turning out to be..ISOLATED and LONELY. I told me husband, I need to get out, to socialize. But how? I started to socialize through my kid. 

We looked for playgroups suited for Kathrin and we found one. I kept thinking I have to do this for my daughter. I needed to be brave for her. Kathrin being a shy and skeptic girl, took about half a year before she would let me go without drama. ( I spent half a year staying outside the kindergarten, having my mobile ready, because I need to pick her either after 30 mins or an hour, because Kathrin won't stop crying ). I was about to give up,  but I just prayed harder.

Antje ( playgroup-in-charge)  invited me to check out another private playgroup, this playgroup opened new friendships with moms like me living in a foreign land. We have a common denominator, we spoke english, we have kids, we are foreigners and we want to socialize and get out of our boxes. It made me more confident knowing that I am not alone, at the same time Kathrin's speech development was rapid. I was hitting two birds with one stone. That private playgroup paved way to meet new people and which eventually became friends. I met wonderful ladies and they eventually became my good friends here in Wolfsburg.

German, Filipina, Canadian, Polish, German

American, Czech

Friends & kids

Brazilian, Polish

My consistent tea buddy

My 1st two mommyfriends in the playgroup

Don't forget your roots too, it is nice to have friends who speak your mother tongue, but choose your friends wisely. I guess you know what I mean. Gossips spread like wild fire. Some people I know don't want to associate themselves with their fellowmen, because it all about gossips. So choose friends who will encourage you to shine. 

Pinay friends

We schedule montly meet ups

My nanay here in Wolfsburg

Then came Kindegarten, God is indeed so generous, the preschool teachers are warmhearted, very supportive and understanding. I felt very welcome. A parent who introduced herself to me on the first week of Kindergarten, gradually became a good friend of mine and her daughter is my daughter's girl-bestfriend. Another sweet mother, who has 2 boys, one is four, is Kathrin's boy-bestfriend and a super cute almost a year-old baby is the apple of my daughter's eyes. These two moms are very special to me, since they give me the german point of view.

If you want your integration process to succeed, I suggest you have to get out. Do not bind yourself in the four corners of your house, just because you  cannot speak the language correctly. Germans will appreciate it more when you speak their language. After all German is a difficult language, no one will take it negatively if you have accent or whatever. Even the Germans commit mistakes. Just speak up.

Second, give yourself and other people a chance to be part of your life. Life is made up of relationships. No man is an island. But relationships take time, make time for it, invest on it, cultivate it. You will reap the rewards of friendship sooner or later. A high-school friend happened to visit Germany, I invited her to stay here, we hardly talk to each other while we were in HS, we went to see Potsdam together and realized our personalities matched. A second chance on friendship on a different setting. Friendship keeps you grounded too, it keeps you sane, it gives you an outlet to rant and rave on things plus it boosts your confidence. 

Share and learn. Every culture is different, every parenting style is different. Every kid is different. Share your thoughts and opinions, ask for a sound advice when your child is having a difficult phase. Ask/recommend a babysitter, a good kindergarten or a good book. Learn from each other. Pick up an advice that suits your values. Share your recipes. When there's no playgroup schedule, my mommy-friends and I would meet up for a morning coffee with the kids. We take turns. We talk on usual stuff, but hey, women need that! Remember no act of kindness, however small, is ever wasted.


Don't forget you good old friends. Of course it is nice to have new friends in a foreign land, but the people who know you well, are your true friends back home. I hardly see all of them, but when there are things deeply bothering me, I ask my friends to pray for me. Your gradeschool, highschool & college friends, who have their own families & kids, have been part of your life, these childhood/teenage friends will laugh with you, cry with you, will feel bad when you're down and will be happy for you when you are succeeding. The fact is, there are insecure people(who don't know you mostly) who finds it amusing when you are in deep shit.

Warning: I have so many fun memories with these lovely people. Talk about  being too social. I have to check every folder I have in my hard drive, I found ''some'' of these pictures. I am so blessed I still have them.

Highschool friends

HS friends

HS seatmate/neighbor-distant relative

The one in pink has been a friend of mine since 1987

All smiles

Mini Reunion

College Friends

 Accounting graduates

Officemate/sportbuddy/sleepoverbuddy

HS friends

love them, miss them

Officemates turned good friends

''Good friends are like stars, you don't always see them, but you know they are there. And when you are feeling lonely, you don't need to look up, they are always in your heart.''

Happy integrating.