Our Mama Dioning

I really don't know why I am writing this, because I know she won't be able to read it. I don't even know if she still remembers me as one of her grandchildren. I hope so. I truly hope so. You see, she has dementia.  She is my grandmother, 78 years old, a native of Cabucgayan, Leyte. And I love her with all my heart.  Her name is Dionisia Mendoza Luna Calomot.   According to Wikipedia:

Dementia is a serious loss of global cognitive ability in a previously unimpaired person, beyond what might be expected from normal ageing. Although dementia is far more common in the geriatric population, it can occur before the age of 65, in which case it is termed "early onset dementia."

It started when she was 64. That time I was living with her. Despite being with her during my graduation rites. She kept asking me, when will I graduate from College. Even when I was working already, and will take her out for dinner,  she will ask   me that question. New information, events & other stuff after the age 64, don't go to her ''memory box'' at all. Before I went to Germany, I said my goodbyes and told her I'm going to get married here, she told me, that's good and that her daughters are also here and she had been here before. She gave me her blessing and I kissed her goodbye.

When I came home in 2010, she completely didn't recognize me. And then I told her ''I am Meme (my nickname) and she looked at me & said 'Meme, you are here' then asked me the same old question: ''When will you graduate from College?''

Nevertheless, despite the distance, she would always be in my thoughts. Remembering all the good memories we had with her. We technically grew up with her. We used to lived with her during our primary years. Her house is not so far from hers, so we visit her almost every week. Before going home, we would always drop by at her house, I used to make my homeworks at her house, let her help me with my sewing projects, go to Simbang-gabi masses, take her out for dinner when I started working, my brother & I were fortunate to come with her visit her hometown at Leyte, I remember during New Year's eve, we would jump with her,she would throw coins afterwards,  so that the grandchildren will happily scramble for those coins. Her skeptic look, when I asked her, if we can have her house as a Christmas Party venue with my friends. She would stay in her room, but would check us from time to time. And after every night out with my girlfriends, she will wake us up at 6.30 in the the morning, and blame us that we should be home earlier, her  'Paksiw'(Fish cooked with vinegar & ginger)  and tons of wonderful memories.

These are some of the many memories that I have here inside my heart. Memories that will be surely be cherished and kept, memories that I am hoping she would somehow remember. 

Mama Dioning, thank you for everything, I might not be able to say that to you personally, but like every single time before you sleep on your bed, you know that I never fail to kiss you under your mosquito net and say Goodnight Mama Dioning, I love you. 

Pinay Integration Stories

This time, I decided to interview someone that I look up to. Of course I have so many role models in life, but this person is for me an epitome of a successful integration here in Germany. I seldom see her, but everytime I get to see her on few Pinay parties, she never fail to make everyone laugh. Yes she is a clown, she loves to laugh out loud and to make people laugh. She is a real stand out. But despite this funny facade, during the phone interview(which lasted for 2 hours) I was able to see a beautiful, strong-willed, loving and intelligent woman. My instincts told me that I met my match!

Her name is Ms. Salome Langer, 47, widowed, living in Germany for 26 years, Bachelor's degree in Business Management,  presently working in a furniture shop in Wolfsburg and has one beautiful, smart,  Tagalog-speaking daughter, Stefanie.

I asked her if she learned the language prior going to Germany. Yes, since she worked at the British Embassy in Switzerland, and in Switzerland German is widely used apart from English. She learned the language there at Inlingua School. (Wow Sosyal--Volkshochschule lang ako!) Inlingua is a private language institution where you pay a lot for the courses, whereas mine was subsidized through the adult education center.

Moving to my next question set of questions:

How difficult were the first few years?

It was hard. Her mother-in-law did not like her from the start. When her late husband told his mother that he married someone from Switzerland, his mother expected a Caucasian woman, and when Salome came, to her mother-in-law's astonishment, she was Asian. Her in-law was indifferent for quite some time. But this did not discouraged her, after all her husband adored & loved her. (ang haba ng hair!--''your hair is long'' an expression in Tagalog which means Enviable,  in German--beneidenswert) When she got pregnant with Stef, her in-law changed how she treated Salome, a 180° turn around.

What were your initial struggles?

Financial Independence -earning her own money just like she did while she still working. She was tempted apply for cleaning job at that time,  it is a decent job after all. Luckily, she saw a job ad, applied for it, gave her 101% during the interview, got a call after a week that she got the job, shouted out loud ''THANK YOU'',  impressed her superiors, won her colleagues & the rest is history.

Boredom - she stayed home for 7 years. Salome waited until Stefanie was ready to go to school. I guess most mothers can relate to this. Boredom could lead to loneliness and depression.

How did you joggle your family, having a 'social life' when it permits, your job, and integrating in a new environment?

6 Things:
1. Discipline
Salome is well-disciplined to do what needs to be done, she made sure that what needs to be done, should be done today and not tomorrow. Having a goal helped her to discipline herself to do it correctly & permamently. It worked.

2. New Mindset 
She thought that her Family is not in the Philippines anymore, instead here in Germany. Of course, she will never forget her roots, but integration was rapid with that kind of mindset. True enough.

3. Independence
Confidence will increase when you do things independently. Her partner was very supportive yet Salome was independent to make her own choices and do it on her own. When you meet this lovely person, her confidence level is 300%!

4. Cooperation
No man is an island. When you are working, you need this alot. Don't be such a bitch. Only by cooperating you get to win the respect of people around you, even your colleagues.

5. She made a choice.
6. Live with it.

Numbers 5 & 6 are intertwined. Since she made the choice to marry a German, then she has to live with that choice from start to finish. Tough lass! Tama ka jan Tita! (You are absolutely correct Tita)


Does working in DE made your integration easier?

Absolutely. Through work, you interact with different types of people, you learn how to study their characters, and you learn to blend in. Some Pinays had the impression that she is not Pinay anymore, contrary to those comments, like she said previously, her family is here in DE, not in PH. So try to live the life here, the way it is, embracing the culture, the way of life, the traditions and other factors that goes with it.

What was your turning point, that you decided to finally work?

She wanted to have a car. That was her goal.
When Stefanie was still in Kindergarten, there were fieldtrips and all moms in the KG have their own cars, when she tried to ask them, if they can bring them with, they all said no. She was rejected and from then on,  she promised herself that she will buy her own car from her own earnings. And she did.

Where did you drew your strength facing the challenges living away from your family in PH?

Aside from her husband's unconditional love which was comforting. She kept thinking...no pain, no gain. In German: Ohne Fleiß, kein Preis. If you won't persevere, you'll end up with nothing. Diligence together with discipline paved way to better opportunities.

And of course, faith in God, that HE will guide and give you the desires of your heart.


How important are support groups here in DE? Regardless whether they are German groups or Pinay groups.

They are indeed very important, because they bring enlightenment during confusing times and they also bring out the best in you, when you try to help them with some matters that they have no idea how to deal with.
Salome has one Pinay confidant and a German bestfriend and good set of friends.

One of very few moments I get to see Tita Salome.

Finally, your message to Pinays who want a successful Integration in DE.

1. Don't give up.
2. Try to learn, speak, read and  write the language.
3. Communicate with the Germans--they don't bite.
4. Have faith.


Thank you Tita Salome for the witty, funny & enlightening interview.


After the interview, we found out we had a lot of things in common.
1. Books.
2. Disliking S*** People
3. Mother-in-law difficulties
4. A common person, we both love & trust.