Tough world, tough kids?

My husband and I both work. He works full-time, I have the luxury to work part-time. We live in Wolfsburg, which is the 6th largest city in Lower Saxony German State, is 230 kilometers from the capital Berlin and and is famous for Volkswagen. The city offers a wide range of activities for families and their kids. In 2009 the city was awarded as most family-friendly city award in Lower Saxony. It is a relatively a small town compared to the big cities but I learned to love it here already.

Since it is a family-friendly city, I availed/went to prenatal classes, active-play meet ups, winter meet-ups, and many field trips to Phaeno (science exploration center in Wolfsburg), Badeland, Autostadt etc. I am totally impressed and happy that I was able to socialize with other moms, chat with friends while the kids are playing,  Kathrin learning new kids and exerting her energies and at the end of the day--a dead-tired sleepy kid.

With all the range of activities supplied by the government and other entities from day-nannies, sports, music classes, play-groups, whole-day child care support in kindergarten particularly for single moms and other animations, which are very helpful. Now working and totally dependent from Kindergarten assistance offered in the morning, it made me think and reassess my priorities.

My daughter is still in her formative years and we believe that it is our responsibility to form her, to prepare her emotionally and to guide her. I am not saying that I am giving up some things, or purely stay home, so I can monitor her,  but it is a reminder for me to strive harder, to focus on shaping her values and proper upbringing. Even it if means to joggle my family, work, social life, and other activities. But mind you it is challenging and it is a skill!

Based from my own observation: You can correct me if I am wrong.

The government is being compelled to create more slots for the day care center, set up more whole-day kindergarten & grade-school. But what is the cost of these measures? Is the government offering too much because parents (sometimes I must admit) are often helpless? Or rather no interest? Are more and more parents unable to cope with their child's demand and over-strained?

One time we went sledging. Michael had a conversation with an old gentleman, my husband that it would be nice after sledging downhill if there is a lift available.. The old gentleman with his grandsons, simply told Michael ''Why? The kids should learn to push themselves to go uphill again''. WOW! That's what you call wisdom. It made my husband realized that children also needs to push themselves and sometimes learn the hard way in order to learn, to become independent, to be own their own, thus developing & molding their personalities and character. And the same thing with parents. It is also hard work.

Another thing: To some they think,  women doesn't belong to the corporate world, it is bad time management when they didn't meet deadlines, quotas & targets, but how about then the kids get sick, do you still call it bad time management? 

The society demands more mothers to work, by putting up more nursery slots for kids. Sometimes I ask myself, why? Instead of offering women flexibility in their working places like home offices & the like, they are encourage to work earlier after birth. Why are mothers encourage to work, encourage to have children, to increase birth rates, when the government cannot even offer them flexibility and let them be a mother to her child. The pressure of the society to achieve more, produce more & have more, is often one sided. More and more women are scared to loose their jobs, thus choosing career than having children.

I know the working world is tough, that is the same reason why we need more mothers to have flexibility in their jobs, so they can continue to teach their kids proper values & etiquette and give them proper upbringing, which are taught at home. Certain values should be taught by parents, preschool teachers complement and encourage these values. It is not their responsibility to shoulder. Teachers nowadays have the same dilemma. And when they reprimand school kids, they are being terrorized by the parents. It is alarming to think that the family values are slowly degrading.
Why do we have arrogant, proud, egoistic top managers in the corporate world? Well, values are taught at home not in MBA schools.


One last thing: We ought to make milestones with our children.
Well I stayed almost 4 years before I started to work again,  ( again I had this kind of luxury ) and I can perfectly understand single moms who need to work. For one, I enjoyed being there for Kathrin. Because I saw my daughter's development. I noted her improvements. It still makes me proud that I can answer at which age my daughter started doing this & doing that. These are precious moments and these are priceless. And call me selfish, but I cannot imagine myself asking a nursery carer, when did my child started running or talking or these little milestones, I ought to be the first one to know.

I for one am not a fan of whole day Kindergarten or Gradeschool. And believe me I am not a part of  the Mom-mafia. We drop her at KG at 8am and I pick her up at 13:20 in the afternoon. When Kathrin sees me coming, she would complain that I fetch her too early. My goodness kid! We need our playtime too! I know, I can never offer her the experience playing with other kids but still I am entitled to ask how did her day went.

It is indeed tiring with all the meet ups here and there, or bringing the kids to the gym or to the music school, dance lessons or ballet classes, sometimes I just want to sit down & read a book but that is another luxury. But isn't  it great to be there for your child/children when they create there own stories, their own milestones, that our children knows that we parents are there for them. This certain security that a child feels that ''my parents are always there for me'' is something that is important to their development and something that is inherent that they will carry it for the rest of their lives.

Yes it is a tough world but do we need to be tough on our kids too?

Thank you 2012

The year 2012 has left me with good and sad memories.
Early in 2012, I wrote down 15 goals and 9 of them was accomplished. Yehey! The Lord has blessed me a lot by trusting in Him.

Here are my Highs & Lows last year:

JANUARY
Snow Galore. The beautiful mountains of Harz is lovely when covered with snow. We enjoyed our weekend trips filled with sledging, winterhikes, hot chocolates, snowman making and throwing snow balls and of course ice skating on a frozen lake.

FEBRUARY

Won the a hawaii trip courtesy of Bild.de. 

Click Link here.

MARCH
Fuerteventura Trip was our first plane trip as a family. We fell in love with this island. It is indeed Europe's version of Hawaii.

APRIL-MAY
Sisterbonding. My sister Muriel visited us here in Germany. It was indeed a lovely time with her.
We also lost at this time an angel in the family.


 


JUNE
High--Got a practikum slot and afterwards the job.
Low--my father in law's health is not so good.


JULY
High/s--Kathrin had her adeniods removed & tonsils reduced. The surgery didn't had any complications and she recovered in no time. I started working again. Joggling work & Kathrin's KG 3-week break.
Low--My beloved father-in-law lost his battle to cancer. Two days before Kathrin had her surgery. Saw my husband hurting. He is a papa's kid. (See previous blog)

AUGUST
My mother-in-law had a hip operation and we had to ran errands for her. It was a taxing month for all of us.
Adjustments in work and in Kindergarten.

SEPTEMBER
Marathon Event at work. Preparations for Hawaii.

SEMPTEMBER-OCTOBER 
We deserve a break. Not only we got to see a Paradise, we belong to a beautiful family there. So there is always a reason to go back.

NOVEMBER

A busy month in the office for me & my husband. 

Found out that my good christian boss died of leukemia.

He is the same age as I am and recently his wife had their first baby. Life will never be fair.

DECEMBER

Sleepfestival in Kindergarten--Kathrin's 1st Overnight.

6th Wedding Anniversary

Replaced our 5 year old car

Good news from Hawaii. We have been praying for Tata Eddie's health & for his family since we got back from Hawaii.

Mama Dioning's recovery.

When I looked back at the previous year. I can only be grateful to the Lord for the wonderful blessing of life, of good health, of continued happiness and unconditional love and unending blessings. Let us not forget the money may buy us material stuff but it can never buy us peace of mind, a sound health, serenity of heart and profound joy that can only be found in Christ.

I may have lost some loved ones this year and it will never be the same without them, but deep in my heart I know that even if  they didn't celebrated Christmas and New year not with us, they celebrated it with someone, who is the reason for Christmas--Jesus Christ. 

Thank you 2012. Welcome 2013.

Our Mama Dioning

I really don't know why I am writing this, because I know she won't be able to read it. I don't even know if she still remembers me as one of her grandchildren. I hope so. I truly hope so. You see, she has dementia.  She is my grandmother, 78 years old, a native of Cabucgayan, Leyte. And I love her with all my heart.  Her name is Dionisia Mendoza Luna Calomot.   According to Wikipedia:

Dementia is a serious loss of global cognitive ability in a previously unimpaired person, beyond what might be expected from normal ageing. Although dementia is far more common in the geriatric population, it can occur before the age of 65, in which case it is termed "early onset dementia."

It started when she was 64. That time I was living with her. Despite being with her during my graduation rites. She kept asking me, when will I graduate from College. Even when I was working already, and will take her out for dinner,  she will ask   me that question. New information, events & other stuff after the age 64, don't go to her ''memory box'' at all. Before I went to Germany, I said my goodbyes and told her I'm going to get married here, she told me, that's good and that her daughters are also here and she had been here before. She gave me her blessing and I kissed her goodbye.

When I came home in 2010, she completely didn't recognize me. And then I told her ''I am Meme (my nickname) and she looked at me & said 'Meme, you are here' then asked me the same old question: ''When will you graduate from College?''

Nevertheless, despite the distance, she would always be in my thoughts. Remembering all the good memories we had with her. We technically grew up with her. We used to lived with her during our primary years. Her house is not so far from hers, so we visit her almost every week. Before going home, we would always drop by at her house, I used to make my homeworks at her house, let her help me with my sewing projects, go to Simbang-gabi masses, take her out for dinner when I started working, my brother & I were fortunate to come with her visit her hometown at Leyte, I remember during New Year's eve, we would jump with her,she would throw coins afterwards,  so that the grandchildren will happily scramble for those coins. Her skeptic look, when I asked her, if we can have her house as a Christmas Party venue with my friends. She would stay in her room, but would check us from time to time. And after every night out with my girlfriends, she will wake us up at 6.30 in the the morning, and blame us that we should be home earlier, her  'Paksiw'(Fish cooked with vinegar & ginger)  and tons of wonderful memories.

These are some of the many memories that I have here inside my heart. Memories that will be surely be cherished and kept, memories that I am hoping she would somehow remember. 

Mama Dioning, thank you for everything, I might not be able to say that to you personally, but like every single time before you sleep on your bed, you know that I never fail to kiss you under your mosquito net and say Goodnight Mama Dioning, I love you. 

Pinay Integration Stories

This time, I decided to interview someone that I look up to. Of course I have so many role models in life, but this person is for me an epitome of a successful integration here in Germany. I seldom see her, but everytime I get to see her on few Pinay parties, she never fail to make everyone laugh. Yes she is a clown, she loves to laugh out loud and to make people laugh. She is a real stand out. But despite this funny facade, during the phone interview(which lasted for 2 hours) I was able to see a beautiful, strong-willed, loving and intelligent woman. My instincts told me that I met my match!

Her name is Ms. Salome Langer, 47, widowed, living in Germany for 26 years, Bachelor's degree in Business Management,  presently working in a furniture shop in Wolfsburg and has one beautiful, smart,  Tagalog-speaking daughter, Stefanie.

I asked her if she learned the language prior going to Germany. Yes, since she worked at the British Embassy in Switzerland, and in Switzerland German is widely used apart from English. She learned the language there at Inlingua School. (Wow Sosyal--Volkshochschule lang ako!) Inlingua is a private language institution where you pay a lot for the courses, whereas mine was subsidized through the adult education center.

Moving to my next question set of questions:

How difficult were the first few years?

It was hard. Her mother-in-law did not like her from the start. When her late husband told his mother that he married someone from Switzerland, his mother expected a Caucasian woman, and when Salome came, to her mother-in-law's astonishment, she was Asian. Her in-law was indifferent for quite some time. But this did not discouraged her, after all her husband adored & loved her. (ang haba ng hair!--''your hair is long'' an expression in Tagalog which means Enviable,  in German--beneidenswert) When she got pregnant with Stef, her in-law changed how she treated Salome, a 180° turn around.

What were your initial struggles?

Financial Independence -earning her own money just like she did while she still working. She was tempted apply for cleaning job at that time,  it is a decent job after all. Luckily, she saw a job ad, applied for it, gave her 101% during the interview, got a call after a week that she got the job, shouted out loud ''THANK YOU'',  impressed her superiors, won her colleagues & the rest is history.

Boredom - she stayed home for 7 years. Salome waited until Stefanie was ready to go to school. I guess most mothers can relate to this. Boredom could lead to loneliness and depression.

How did you joggle your family, having a 'social life' when it permits, your job, and integrating in a new environment?

6 Things:
1. Discipline
Salome is well-disciplined to do what needs to be done, she made sure that what needs to be done, should be done today and not tomorrow. Having a goal helped her to discipline herself to do it correctly & permamently. It worked.

2. New Mindset 
She thought that her Family is not in the Philippines anymore, instead here in Germany. Of course, she will never forget her roots, but integration was rapid with that kind of mindset. True enough.

3. Independence
Confidence will increase when you do things independently. Her partner was very supportive yet Salome was independent to make her own choices and do it on her own. When you meet this lovely person, her confidence level is 300%!

4. Cooperation
No man is an island. When you are working, you need this alot. Don't be such a bitch. Only by cooperating you get to win the respect of people around you, even your colleagues.

5. She made a choice.
6. Live with it.

Numbers 5 & 6 are intertwined. Since she made the choice to marry a German, then she has to live with that choice from start to finish. Tough lass! Tama ka jan Tita! (You are absolutely correct Tita)


Does working in DE made your integration easier?

Absolutely. Through work, you interact with different types of people, you learn how to study their characters, and you learn to blend in. Some Pinays had the impression that she is not Pinay anymore, contrary to those comments, like she said previously, her family is here in DE, not in PH. So try to live the life here, the way it is, embracing the culture, the way of life, the traditions and other factors that goes with it.

What was your turning point, that you decided to finally work?

She wanted to have a car. That was her goal.
When Stefanie was still in Kindergarten, there were fieldtrips and all moms in the KG have their own cars, when she tried to ask them, if they can bring them with, they all said no. She was rejected and from then on,  she promised herself that she will buy her own car from her own earnings. And she did.

Where did you drew your strength facing the challenges living away from your family in PH?

Aside from her husband's unconditional love which was comforting. She kept thinking...no pain, no gain. In German: Ohne Fleiß, kein Preis. If you won't persevere, you'll end up with nothing. Diligence together with discipline paved way to better opportunities.

And of course, faith in God, that HE will guide and give you the desires of your heart.


How important are support groups here in DE? Regardless whether they are German groups or Pinay groups.

They are indeed very important, because they bring enlightenment during confusing times and they also bring out the best in you, when you try to help them with some matters that they have no idea how to deal with.
Salome has one Pinay confidant and a German bestfriend and good set of friends.

One of very few moments I get to see Tita Salome.

Finally, your message to Pinays who want a successful Integration in DE.

1. Don't give up.
2. Try to learn, speak, read and  write the language.
3. Communicate with the Germans--they don't bite.
4. Have faith.


Thank you Tita Salome for the witty, funny & enlightening interview.


After the interview, we found out we had a lot of things in common.
1. Books.
2. Disliking S*** People
3. Mother-in-law difficulties
4. A common person, we both love & trust. 

Claiming the promises in the Bible

When I first came here, my first thought was... I need to find a job. My husband, Michael was telling me before, master the language first. Easy for a native german to say that, he grew up here, he studied law. Of course German was easy for him. HELLO!!! Nevertheless, I quickly learned the language because of a lot of factors. See my previous blog. But like every beginning, it was not easy.

When I saw that Kathrin has adjusted pretty well in Kindergarten, I started to feel the need to work again. After all, I just can't stay home and wait for her. Of course, being full time mom, it was not easy. The decision to work again was my own. I needed it. I've worked in Manila, why not work again here, two big questions are: what kind of work? Sales & Marketing? Training? Sales? And is my German good enough in the corporate world? I sure hope so ( with fingers crossed including my toes!)

I don't want to study in a University again because of my family priorities, I  jotted down my priorities & assessed what do I wanted to do, which suits my current lifestyle a.k.a family routine:

*I figured out that I needed a part-time job in the morning, 4 hours maximum. Normal working days--Monday to Friday, so there will be no conflict with Michael's working schedule, a job that needs me to be creative, a job that is not boring, a job that allows me to work at home, when Kathrin is ill, a job that will help me improve my Business German in terms of correspondence & telephone skills, a job where I can also speak English, when I am lost with words,  a CEO who believes in God & colleagues that are not bitchy and of course a job that pays reasonably, location should be well accessible & an understanding CEO, who will allow me to take a month of vacation without even earning my vacation days yet (we were Hawaii-bound) blah..blah..blah ( Am I asking too much? Merril dream on! )

So I started to update my CV in English and then in German and asked Michael to make some improvements. I sent out online applications and much to my disappointment, I got online rejections. This made me re-think the next steps to be done. I went afterwards to the city's Job center and ask for my options. My husband was skeptic, when I decided to go to the job center. I told him, I wanted to know if there are opportunities for me out there. I explained my situation to the job adviser and she told me, studying again doesn't raise your chances at all, play with your strengths, assured me that they will support me, and afterwards told me the conditions if I decided to be called 'officially looking for a job'. She referred me to her colleague, who looked for possible job openings that fits my working experience.

After 3 days, I got an email from the Job center, asking me if I would like to apply in an IT company, which was looking for a Social Media Marketing Person. Okay, I told myself, I have nothing to loose. I got all these rejections anyways, then might as well try my luck. I sent my CV online & got a call the following day asking for an interview. After passing the initial interview, I have to be back for a  final interview with the CEO. But the day before my final interview, I got a flu, a super bad headache, runny nose, terrible cough & chills. I called a good acquaintance from my Thursday English-bible study group to pray for me because I am so ill & that I would have my final interview the following day. She told me, whatever I get the job or not, learn from it and they will pray for me. I was so worried, that I have to cancel the interview because of my terrible headache. I took all my 'mommy-supplements' and slept at 8pm.

I was up at 3am & I could not sleep anymore. I also realized my health drastically improved. No more chills, no headache, no coughing & no runny nose. Since Michael slept on the couch ( to avoid infecting him), I prayed, cried, thanked the Lord, & claimed 2 verses from the Bible:

Jeremiah 33:3 Call to me and I will answer and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.

and Psalm 20:4 He will give you your heart's desire and carry out all you plans. 

I laid out my plans (see * above) And yes! God gave me every desire of my heart.

Some may react---NO WAY MERRIL!

YES WAY! BECAUSE NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE WITH THE LORD.

Read the Bible, claim the promises. There are so much in store for all of us. Happy reading.

Aloha Hawaii

''Aloha is being a part of all, and all being a part of me. When there is pain - it is my pain. When there is joy - it is also mine. I respect all that is as part of the Creator and part of me. I will not willfully harm anyone or anything. When food is needed I will take only my need and explain why it is being taken. The earth, the sky, the sea are mine to care for, to cherish and to protect. This is Hawaiian - this is Aloha!

The kahuna David Bray interprets this code as "Come forward, be in unity and harmony with your real self, God, and mankind. Be honest, truthful, patient, kind to all life forms, and humble." He also stated that to the Hawaiian of old, Aloha meant "God in us."''

 --- THE DEEPER MEANING OF ALOHA by Curby Rule (www.huna.org)

Early this year, My husband & I won a trip to Hawaii. Whether it was random luck, serendipity, blessing or extra costs (especially for Michael), this trip has made me a better person than I expected. Before I go to the details,  let me tell the readers how did I won. It all began when I was reading an article in www.bild.de, about a photo contest--The Descendants, whose main character was portrayed by George Clooney. Seeing some family pictures from other readers I decided to upload a clan picture which I always have in my memory. This was the day my grandfather told the family, he was going to die.

My Lolo despite his age & wisdom
never fails to make us laugh once in a while.

My Lolo (Tagalog for Grandfather) was a epitome of a wise, righteous and loving grandpa. He & his wife, Lola Geline would send birthday cards every year to each grandchild wishing & blessing with them good health, and best wishes and of course a small treat. He would always have a sound advise to those who needs his highly-sought opinions. He wanted that the family wouldn't be caught off-guard with his passing, so he decided to tell everyone. At the end of the conversation, everyone was shocked,  cried and of course prayed(which is part of the family's tradition) not for healing but for courage, longer time & acceptance  and then picture-taking took place. Although I was not there, (I just had Kathrin) I was very well informed afterwards. This picture is engraved in my heart & memory. 

The caption I wrote was my Family was so large, not everyone could fit in the picture. This picture enabled me to rekindle the values that my Lolo kept on imparting all of us all those years. Family will always be your family amidst trials. Just like the story of The Descendants.

Click link to see the article from the newspaper.

When we were on Oahu, my Lolo's first cousin Tata (Uncle) Eddie & his family welcomed their doors to us and we really felt ''very much at home''. We never felt strangers/tourists on Oahu at all. We are part of their family. I exchanged emails with Nana Aurora (wife of Tata Eddie) that we are coming and I would like to make a courtesy visit. Honestly my expectations were below average, since I don't want to bother them, knowing they have their lives to manage. I've been living in Germany for 6 years now, and I've learn to be on my own. 

Tata Eddie, Tita Au, Eric, Aimee & Alma and the rest of the family have proven me wrong at being on my own. Not only that I won a trip to Hawaii because of the family, I have also won a family on Oahu. It was a WIN-WIN thing for me. And I will always be grateful for the time they made to see us. I was thanking Aimee & Alma, my aunts (they prefer that we are cousins) for thanking time letting us experience Honolulu in a short period of time, Aimee replied 'we are family'. I wished I have that solid support groups like that near me. Nevertheless, despite the distance, I know I have families, not only here in Germany & in the Philippines, but also on Hawaii.

Despite not so good health conditions, Tata Eddie picked us up from our hotel and showed us around Honolulu. Pali Lookout, Punchbowl and then the following days with Aimee & son, Rider, Alma, husband, Charles & son Caleb, Jessica & her son Jessiah & Tita Au at Pearl Harbor Memorial, Luau and a special dinner at their residential house.

Can you spot the Alimasa/Alimaza similarity?

With Tata Eddie at Punchbowl, Honolulu

At Pali Lookout with Tata Eddie, and Tita Au

Caleb, Ryeder & Kathrin (she can't seem to figure out
how to make a 'shaka' sign

Celebrating Luau with the relatives.

With my Aunts. Aimee & Alma

Missing you guys.

Group picture after Dinner.

Lovely Sunday with my extended family on Hawaii.

Mahalo to my Alimaza* Family in Honolulu. Truly the deeper meaning of Aloha left a mark in my heart.

*Alimasa and Alimaza are technically the same & belongs to one family. Mine is Alimasa.

Perks of having your mother as your best friend

In a foreign land, one must be careful in choosing friends, most especially when they are your fellow countrymen, I am not generalizing, I have very good Filipina friends,  but since there are no language barriers using your mother language it is easy to have  inconsistencies & false informations commonly leading to gossips, unfortuntely some gossips can get so malicious when your information fell in the wrong ears, narrow understanding, heart full of envy and a foul mouth. 

When things get tough here in Germany, I always have my mom as a confidant. She has been my first mentor when I started working. She was my first manager. She never intervened with my personal decisions but she is a silent observer and a powerful prayer warrior who always prays for me. I have always been a ''papa's girl'' and during my puberty stage, I hated her. Blame the hormones for that. But when I was in college, she started giving me books that I should read. It did help me became the person that I am today. I slowly understood her sacrifices for all of us & for the rest of the family. She waited patiently to tell me her thoughts about life, in a state of my life, which I can fully understand her. I will always be grateful for that. Since then I intermediate opinions between my siblings & my parents.

My mom with all her matriarchal sermons and stuff always used kind words when it was easy to criticize. It made me grounded and confident in everything I did in life. Her reason, why criticize when you can motivate.
She used to lead a group of insurance people, we all know selling a piece of paper is no easy task. When an agent is not producing, it will reflect on her, so she applied the same principle with her agents to us her kids, instead of complaining & pin-pointing the blame, motivate--it will do wonders and it did. When her kid is being difficult, she gave more attention, understanding & love.

When things are quite challenging here, I would always call her to ask for sound advises and never did she fail to impress and amaze me. I tell mostly everything to my mom my thoughts on family, life, career & those stuff and she always find & make time to listen to me. Don't get me wrong, of course I have trusted friends, whom I can share my problems with, but knowing that my thoughts, complaints, questions, doubts  & other stuff are safe with my mommy gives me a sense of security which is indeed a great feeling.

My mom & I seldom chat, videochat or phone each other. Usually once every one to two months. But when we chat, we chat for a minimum of 3 hours. Yes we love to talk and listen at each others stories. I am so glad that I have one cool mom, who supported us all throughout. I will be forever grateful for that. I love you Mommy, this is my tribute to you on your birthday. May all your dreams come true...especially the travel things around the world for free. Germany---checked. Korea---checked. Hongkong--checked. China---checked. Whereelse??? I love you so much.  I miss you too. Enjoy your beautiful day Mommy!